Washington DC, April 1, 2019
The Attorney General today announced his plan to release the Mueller report in its entirety, without redactions.
“I’m abandoning my vision of an imperial presidency,” he said, speaking candidly and on the record. “It’s clear that no one is above the law, including me, and including this or any president of the United States.”
The AG attributed his change in outlook to a consultation with his personal astrologer. “I understood then that I’d unwittingly been acting out the Mercury retrograde ‘storm’ energy, and I didn’t want to add to the national conversation in that way. Also, when I agreed with Bob Mueller that it was time to wind up the investigation, we unwittingly settled for a Void of Course Moon release. That too was a huge mistake. You can be sure that the release of the full report will come as soon as we leave Mercury’s retrograde shadow. Right now, we’re looking at a target date of April 17, with Moon in Libra.” Barr grinned. “Just perfect for full, fair, and unredacted judicial report.”
He added that he hopes the well-timed release of the full report will help to undo some of the confusion and acrimony that the initial release created.