Keeping up with the latest Trump-related mishigas is a full-time job these days, as the Distractor-in-Chief writhes and squirms in the white-hot spotlight of the Epstein files debacle. Like vermin desperately crawling from beneath an overturned rock, stunned by their exposure to sunlight, Trump is throwing everything he has at the wall, hoping something – anything – will stick long enough to shift focus from the dumpster fire that is the MAGA rebellion to his Attorney General’s assertion that the Epstein case is closed, with no further revelations of elite pedophile wrongdoing to come.
In a matter of weeks, Trump (or his top administration officials) has vowed to start criminal investigations into former tormentors FBI Director James Comey and CIA Director John Brennan; fired US Assistant Attorney Maurene Comey (James’ daughter), who prosecuted the Epstein case; threatened to prevent a new stadium being built for the Washington Commanders football team if they don’t revert to their former racist name of “Redskins;” accused Kamala Harris of paying for celebrity endorsements in her 2024 campaign; released the Martin Luther King Jr assassination files; pushed Congress to defund PBS and NPR; and accused Barack Obama of treason.
The timing of the Epstein crisis is certainly apt, with asteroid Epstein 2928 at 1 Aries coming to its station, turning retrograde on July 27, at the height of the furor. Epstein exactly conjoins Saturn, which reflects a number of themes in the story, from Epstein’s deceased status (with Saturn the ancient lord of death), to withholding or denying (as in not releasing the coveted files), and the presidency itself (with Saturn ruling chief executives). Epstein also conjoins Neptune at 2 Aries, contributing energies related to obfuscation, deception and misdirection, as well as conspiracy, and squares Jupiter at 10 Cancer, inflating the situation and blowing things up out of proportion.
Epstein further squares Trump’s natal conjunction of asteroid Donn 4689 with Mercury at 7 and 8 Cancer, personalizing all this to the president, and calling into question the level of their interactions and communications (Mercury). Interestingly, during this period the Wall Street Journal released the text of a birthday card supposedly written to Epstein by Trump, for inclusion in an album commemorating his fiftieth birthday, compiled by Ghislaine Maxwell. The card (Mercury-ruled) depicts a nude drawing of a woman, rendered in thick black marker such as Trump prefers, with a scribbled “Donald” signature approximating the pubic hair. Among the sentiments expressed are the fact that they share common interests, and a fond wish that each day brings “another wonderful secret.” Ick. Trump is suing the WSJ and its publisher, Rupert Murdoch, for what he calls a hoax. But what else is new?
Nothing stuck in these Distraction Olympics, and the base remains disgruntled, incredulous, and increasingly suspicious. In late July Speaker Mike Johnson sent the House of Representatives home for summer recess two weeks early, to avoid a vote on releasing the Epstein files. Following the Epstein backlash, Trump made tentative moves toward mollifying the base, instructing his AG Pam Bondi to petition the court for a release of Grand Jury testimony related to the case. But these records are sealed for a reason, primarily the protection of victims and witnesses, and their disclosure is unlikely to be approved. Even if it were, the Grand Jury testimony would probably not do much towards implicating co-conspirators in this supposed global cabal of pedophile elites, as its specific purpose was to indict Epstein and his facilitator and sometime girlfriend, Ghislaine Maxwell. The testimony would be primarily focused on them, both already adjudicated child sex traffickers.
Speaking of Ms. Maxwell, Trump followed up the Grand Jury testimony gambit with a visit from Todd Blanche, Deputy Attorney General and his former personal lawyer, to Ghislaine, now serving a twenty-year sentence as Epstein’s accomplice, presumably to show how serious he was about getting to the truth. The direct interview of a witness, any witness, is highly irregular for a DAG, particularly one that has already spilled and been convicted years ago. The two-day confab may have been unwitnessed by any third party, and Blanche has kept their discussion hush-hush, but there is speculation that a pardon or commutation might be in the offing, if the convicted perjurer said the right thing, and exonerated Trump of any involvement in Epstein’s crimes.
When the interview began on July 24, asteroid Askalaphus 4946 was exactly conjunct Mercury retrograde at 13 Leo, both conjunct Trump’s natal Pluto at 10 Leo. Mercury relates directly to the documents in the Epstein files, and its retrograde status signals going back into old information. Askalaphus is named for a mythic gardener in Hades, who informed on Persephone’s ingestion of six pomegranate seeds during her enforced sojourn there, and thus represents witnesses. Pluto involves criminal activity, specifically rape, including statutory rape of underage persons who were not legally capable of giving consent, the crux of the Epstein saga.
The Sun at 2 Leo squares asteroid Whitehouse 4036 at 0 Scorpio, placing the US President front-and-center for the day, and forms a T-Square with Pluto at 2 Aquarius, with its connections to criminality and scandal. The addition of asteroid Maxwell 12760 at 28 Aries creates a Grand Cross, implicating Ghislaine Maxwell in the day’s events. On the general midpoint of the Sun/Whitehouse square, roughly semisquare to each, we find: asteroid Troemper 28130 at 17 Virgo (our celestial referent for The Donald, exactly semisquare the Sun); asteroid Achilles 588 at 16 Virgo (representing a weakness or vulnerability, as in “Achilles heel”); Mars at 21 Virgo (sex); and asteroid Themis 24 at 23 Virgo (named for the Greek goddess of justice, here a nod to the Justice Department). Together, this spells a sex-related (Mars) weakness (Achilles) for President (Whitehouse) Trump (Troemper), with potentially devastating outcomes (Pluto). Troemper, in specific, is also exactly sesquiquadrate to Pluto, increasing the likelihood of some criminal liability on his part. Maxwell also opposes asteroid Nemesis 128 at 21 Libra (which is too broad in orb to join the Grand Cross proper), identifying a source of potential ruin or downfall, often self-created.
The cosmos has been particularly helpful in this matter, supplying not only an exact match for Maxwell’s surname, but also, most improbably, for her first (I mean, how many Ghislaines do you know?). Asteroid Ghislaine 7112 at 24 Taurus lies on the fulcrum of a T-Square, with asteroid Blanco 4478 at 22 Aquarius opposed asteroid Justitia 269 at 27 Leo. Blanco is a celestial stand-in for Blanche, both derived from the same root word, meaning “white;” Justitia is named for Themis’ Roman counterpart, and is the root of our word “justice,” reflecting Blanche’s job description. So we’re seeing Todd Blanche (Blanco) interacting with Ghislaine Maxwell (Ghislaine) on behalf of the Justice Department (Justitia).
Donald Trump had seemed to be on something of an upswing, with his pressure and intimidation tactics causing targeted institutions to accede to his unrealistic demands, from academic institutions and foreign governments to media outlets. One of the more ridiculous lawsuits brought by Trump was against Paramount, on the specious grounds that their CBS affiliate had edited a pre-election 2024 “60 Minutes” interview with Kamala Harris, to Trump’s disadvantage.
Even setting aside the First Amendment, the case was baseless, and would likely have been laughed out of court, had it gone so far. But here the plot thickens. Paramount had been applying for an $8 billion merger with Skydance, which needed government approval to go through. The deal had hung fire since 2024, but on July 2, Paramount caved to Trump’s demands, offering a $16 million settlement, and on July 7, the deal with Sundance was approved.
It doesn’t take a genius to see the connection, and a week later, on July 15, Stephen Colbert, host of CBS’ “The Late Show” and a frequent Trump critic, characterized the settlement by his parent company as a “big, fat bribe.” Two days later his show was cancelled.
Again, the connection seems clear, and the cosmos agrees. Multiple markers of Colbert’s downfall and his show’s “demise” appear in the sky for July 17, beginning with a dramatic T-Square from the Sun at 25 Cancer opposed asteroid NOT 2857 at 24 Capricorn, squared a combination of asteroids Nemesis and Stefani 4624 at 19 and 23 Libra respectively. NOT acts as a general disqualifier or symbol of negation – cancellation, if you will – and Nemesis foreshadows undoing. Stefani is one of four PNAs (Personal-Named Asteroids) representing Stephen, for which there is no exact match.
The other three also reflect the circumstance, in various ways. Asteroid Stevin 2831 at 22 Virgo brings up the rear in a conglomerate of asteroids Atropos273 (named for the Greek Fate who severs the thread of life at death), Troemper, and Mars, at 11, 14 and 17 Virgo, spelling out animosity (Mars) between Trump (Troemper) and Colbert (Stevin), resulting in termination (Atropos). Asteroid Osiris 1923 at 19 Taurus, named for the Egyptian god of the dead, conjoins asteroid Stevens 38540 at 25 Taurus, linking an ending (Osiris) with Stephen Colbert.
Incredibly, this union opposes a pairing of asteroids Colbert 9164 and Stephania 220, our last Stephen referent, at 13 and 18 Scorpio. Moreover, asteroid Colbert is at station, signaling a major turning point in Colbert’s life has been reached. Colbert turned direct on July 6, between the Trump settlement and the Paramount merger announcement, indisputably linking the two events and the shift in Colbert’s fortunes.
Oddly, Paramount is also associated with what may be the most astounding cinematic takedown of a US President ever. Paramount also owns the Comedy Central network, and on July 21, Paramount reached a $1.5 billion deal with “South Park” creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, for exclusive streaming rights with the flagship show. Two days later, “South Park”’s 27 season premiered, hilariously lampooning Trump’s recent moves in their trademark irreverent style.
Allusions are made to the Epstein files, the defunding of NPR, the settlement with Paramount, and Colbert’s cancellation, all amid a bit of salacious eye candy depicting Trump in bed with Satan (including a minuscule cartoon penis). In the episode, Trump sues the South Park community, and part of the settlement includes their production of Trump-positive ads. Not one to hold back, Parker and Stone provide us with a photorealistic PSA depicting a disrobing, Christlike Trump staggering through the desert, suffering for America. The ad culminates with yet another shot of a teeny tiny penis on the Commander-in-Chief.
When the show premiered on July 23, just hours before a New Moon, the Sun and asteroid Whitehouse are exactly squared, from 0 Leo to 0 Scorpio, in a tight T-Square with Pluto at 2 Aquarius. Asteroid Troemper at 17 Virgo is on the Sun/Whitehouse midpoint, semisquare each, and accompanied by Mars at 21 Virgo, ruling genitalia. The Sun is conjoined by asteroid Lucifer 1930 at 6 Leo, throwing a spotlight (Sun) on the devil (Lucifer). Asteroid Donn at 14 Gemini is also semisquare the Sun, and forms a Thor’s Hammer (a fated pattern similar to a Yod) by its square to Troemper, both sesquiquadrate Pluto.
Asteroid Stone 5841 at 19 Taurus, for series co-creator Matt Stone, is trine Troemper, while asteroid Parker at 14 Cancer, for Trey Parker, is sextile. Parker also conjoins Jupiter at 9 Cancer, guaranteeing publicity for the incident. Parker and “South Park” are also represented by asteroid Parks 5585, which at 22 Libra conjoins asteroid Nemesis at 20 Libra, identifying the show and its creators as archenemies or opponents of Trump. These square Trump’s natal Saturn at 23 Cancer, potentially adversely affecting his career and presidency.
This merely reiterates the potential in Donald Trump’s natal chart, which features asteroid Parker at 13 Cancer, conjunct both Nemesis at 16 Cancer and Lucifer at 17 Cancer. Thus, Trump was experiencing a “Parker Return” when “South Park”’s premiere lampooned him cuddling with Satan. Natal asteroid Parks at 4 Gemini opposes natal Troemper at 2 Sagittarius, affirming their antagonism, while natal asteroid Stone at 24 Leo conjoins the Ascendant at 29 Leo, empowering Matt Stone to influence how others see Donald Trump, and exactly squares his 24 Taurus Midheaven, perhaps affecting his career, status or reputation.
It’s interesting that the notoriously litigious and bombastic Trump has uttered not a peep about his “South Park” treatment, nor threatened legal action regarding the multiple depictions of his undersized manhood. Perhaps he remembers that the best defense against libel or slander is having stated the truth.
Cover Image Credit: drawn by Craiyon
Alex Miller is a professional writer and astrologer, whose website AlexAsteroidAstrology.com offers a trove of info on the role of asteroids in personal and mundane astrology. He is the author of The Black Hole Book (available on Amazon.com) and The Urban Wicca, former editor of “The Galactic Calendar,” and past president of The Philadelphia Astrological Society. His pioneering work with Black Holes in astrological interpretation began in 1991, when his progressed Sun unwittingly fell into one. Alex’s books and writings are available on his website. Alex can also be reached for comment or services at .
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